Just Another Normal Day
by kura-wolfgoddess
Summary: Four of the most famous elves in all of Middle Earth are swept from Imladris and into my living room, weapons, tunics, and all. Anyone want a smoothie? I do not own ME or any of Tolkiens wonderful characters or stories.
1. Blender Shock

_Just another normal day_, or so I thought, as I stretched and yawned, my gaze drawn out the open window to the cherry tree's fresh, spring blossoms outside. I have always loved that tree. It reminded me of the gorgeous _sakura_ in Japan, a country that held a sort of fascination for me. I groggily forced myself from my intoxicatingly warm nest of blankets and stumbled my way over to the closet. I picked out a lacy grey camie and cute Capri jeans before grabbing a bra and (hopefully) matching panties. My eyes were not completely open at this point so I couldn't really tell. I heaped my clothes onto the bathroom tile and turned on the shower. I stripped, flinging my pajamas away randomly and prayed that none landed in the toilet as I stepped under the cleansing spray. Twenty minutes later I emerged from the bathroom accompanied by a cloud of steam with a sparkle in my blue eyes and a slight spring in my step. Some people need caffeine in the morning. I just need a nice hot shower.

I bounced down the steps with my usual lack of grace and padded barefoot to the pantry to grab a can of cat food. I opened it, shutting the pantry with one foot and tossed the lid into the garbage on my way to the back door. Stepping outside I set the can down for my cat and inhaled the spring air. A shiver ran down my spine from the slight, though refreshing, morning chill.

_Yes, just another normal spring day._

I spun around on my heel and went back to the kitchen for breakfast, the screen door slamming shut behind me. I opened the fridge and peered into its black depths, I had given up on fixing the light bulb. No matter how many I put in they always flickered and died after about ten seconds. I shoved a bag of old celery off to the side as I hunted for the ingredients to make a berry smoothie. After pulling out about five containers of butter that I didn't know I had, I finally found the yogurt. I set it on the counter along with a frozen bag of mixed berries, then bent down to rifle around in one of the floor cabinets for the blender. I huffed in frustration as the blender in question as well as several mixing bowls fell out with a clatter. I shoved the bowls back in and gathered the blender and its components with no small amount of triumph. I straightened and kicked the cabinet closed with my heel.

I turned around intent on finally preparing my breakfast only to come face to face with a group of medieval, yet elegantly dressed men. I gasped in shock, and made a strange garbled sound in the back of my throat, eyes wide. As one, the group whipped around and pulled out a weapon of some sort. Two of them had daggers, and the other two drew swords with the hollow metallic sound of metal on metal. And I, I clutched my blender to my chest in a white knuckled vice grip, a fearfully pitiful attempt at a protective shield. I stood there mute, with impossibly round, saucer like eyes. They too, simply stood there, their own eyes narrowed in suspicion looking me up in down. I have never before been so consciously aware of the wet hair that clung to my shoulders and chest, or the slow gradual slide of my bra strap down my shoulder.

_Yup a completely normal day, with completely normal probably rapist men and their sharp, pointy weapons._


	2. The Real Deal

A/N: I feel that I haven't done a good job in explaining this, the elves are in the living room, but the house is an open concept so that the kitchen bar is the only thing separating the two spaces. Also thanks so much to all who have reviewed! Your support is greatly appreciated, even the silent ones who either don't feel like it or are too lazy to review (hey it's ok I've been there) but still add this story to the story alert list. I thank you all.

The room filled with a dramatic, almost palpable tension and I jumped in surprise as one of the men, the only blond one, spoke, his voice cutting through the air like a knife.

"What is your name, my lady?"

I stared, lips sealed with terror. My mind was reeling at about a million miles a minute, trying to process the scene before me. There was a nagging familiarity about these men, especially the older raven haired one. I wondered where I might have seen these... _interesting_ individuals before, but the only options I could come up with were A.) at a renaissance fair, or B.)from a fantasy movie. Though handsome enough to be fairytale princes, the threatening glint in their eyes and poised, unsheathed weapons told a different story. Besides, weren't princes supposed to save the damsel in distress, rather than cause distress?

"My_ lady_, what is that you are called?"

Blondie's impatient voice shattered my reverie and I let out a particularly embarrassing and high pitched valley girl squeak. The color drained from my face and I promptly turned tail and hauled ass into the kitchen, grabbing the refrigerator's stainless steel door on the way. I swung the door around and hid behind the other side, a bottle of Italian vinaigrette shaking loose and bursting on the floor in the process. I heard the soft rustle of cloth and muffled thud of approaching, booted footsteps. I trembled behind the fridge door with a deer in the headlights expression on my face. My heart pounded and my breath whispered in and out with shallow, worried breaths. Oily, slick vinegar slid under my feet and splattered my bare calf. _Awesome_. The footsteps came closer still then ceased all together. For a moment there was mind numbing silence and then the door was wrenched away from me.

White as a sheet and quaking with the intensity of my twenty year old washing machine, I stared up into suspicious steel grey eyes. It wasn't blondie this time, instead it was that one strangely-familiar-fantasy movie-raven haired-sword wielding guy and he did not look happy. Nope, definitely _not_ prince charming. Usually I'd find the muscle this guy was packing to be attractive, but at the moment I couldn't help but remember all those rapist princes that I had studied in social studies. Wasn't Prince Albert a Jack the Ripper suspect? I did not want to be raped, or killed, or both, hell all I wanted was a freakin' breakfast smoothie! Steely, as I had dubbed him, gave me an intense I-can-totally-see-your-soul look, which to be honest did nothing to abate my increasing fears of imminent rape.

"P-Please don t rape me." My meek, shaking voice fell out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. Steely's eyes widened in shock and he took a step away from me. His grip on the sword relaxed and it fell to his side.

"Peace, my lady, our intentions are far less nefarious than what you speak of." Steely's voice was soft and placating, as if he was addressing a frightened rabbit rather than a twenty year old woman. Blondie's voice wafted over from the base of the stairs.

"She is obviously frightened, Elrond. Do not force the girl into a corner or she might attack."

"Hey! Don't talk about me like I'm some kind of animal, Blondie. _You're_ the ones intruding in _my_ house, running around like a bunch of crazies with shiny weapons!"

I shook the blender at the four with an indignant rage, taking a step forward to emphasize my point and claim to my property. This _was_ my house dammit! I took another breath in preparation for some serious verbal tongue lashings until a realization slapped me in the face.

"Wait-Did you say Elrond?"

"Yes, my lady."

"As in _the_ Elrond Peredhel who fought in the last Alliance of Elves and Men?"

"Yes." Blondie's tone once again became suspicious and the other men, twins I had noticed, exchanged looks.

"Oh."

I deflated rather dramatically and lowered the blender, feeling rather foolish. I peered back up at steely (I refused to call him Elrond).

"Are you sure your Elrond and not some mentally deranged psychopath who only thinks he's an elven lord?"

"Of course I am sure."

"What about the ears, they pointy?"

"Well, of course."

At this point Steely began to look puzzled and slightly amused. He even pulled back his hair with slow, cautious movements to prove it to me. I squinted, attempting to see if the ears were the real deal. I have to say I've sort of believed or at least had fleeting wishes that elves were real, especially Lord Elrond. For some odd reason I completely fell in love with him while reading the books and watching the movies. So please forgive me when I say that I almost wished this really was Elrond, I mean come on, who doesn't want smoking hot elfboys in their house? And trust me _this_ "Elrond" was hot. He bore a vague resemblance to Hugo Weaving, though it was more the air of wisdom and barely tamed wildness that truly highlighted their similar qualities.

"Come here."

"Excuse me?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. What good are elven ears if they can't even hear you?

"Come here, _please_."

Elrond took a few cautious steps towards me his boots squeaking over the spilled vinaigrette that now coated a liberal amount of my kitchen floor. I reached across the space between us so I could tug on his ears, a rather strange way of greeting someone, but to his credit Elrond didn't bat an eyelash. I had to stand on tip toe so that I could reach the tip from my current distance and ended up balancing on a single leg to close the gap. Big mistake. My foot slid on that damn salad dressing and out from under me. I fell and I took Elrond with me, so yeah the ears were real.


	3. Strays

Down we went, _smack_ on the hard tile. Elrond landed rather hard and ungracefully on his back, but I of course had to fall into a rather more precarious and interesting position. Maybe it was the distance from which I had been standing when we fell, or maybe it was the height difference, whatever the case may be I ended up planting my face directly into _Hir_ Elrond's lap. I do not suggest this form of greeting to anyone (unless you're a hooker), especially royalty, first impressions and all that. I blushed and scrambled backward, the twin's smothered giggles, yes _giggles_, echoing in the ensuing silence. If I wanted to be poetic, or even polite, I could say that Elrond's face was dusted with a soft rosy blush, but it wasn't. It was beet red and mortified. Ah chivalrous men, the only kind that don't expect women to fall into their lap. I stared at the raven haired lord for a second then jumped to my feet and cleared my throat. I awkwardly offered a hand up, which he promptly ignored, choosing to pick himself up instead.

"So I, uh, guess you're an elf."

"Yes, I suppose we are."

"So if you're Elrond, is there any chance that blondie over there is Glorfindel and those two are Elladan and Elrohir?"

"That would be correct."

"And how, my lady, shall we address _you_?" One of the twins spoke up for the first time.

"Vanessa, or Nessa for short. My parents were Literature majors." (1)

"And how is it that you have come to know of us?"

How was I supposed to explain this to them? Like a sue who dramatically whips out her knowledge of every Lord of the Rings Character in existence? I mean I _love_ Lord of the Rings, don't get me wrong, I just don't know every detail of every person, nor do I have some awesome amazing power that will save Middle Earth from yet _another_ crisis outside of the original plotline.

"Uh, well, there are these books about you guys, as well as Middle Earth in general, that were written by a man named Tolkein. He, uh, was a bit obsessed with writing the stories, even going so far as to write some of it in the middle of war. A whole bunch of people have read the books, they're actually really popular."

The other twin piped up this time.

"So this entire world has read about us?"

"Well, yeah, but it wasn't written as a true story. Yes the books are out there for all to read, but not everyone has read them and only very imaginative or crazy people believe in them. The majority of the population also does not tend to believe in elves or any other humanoid creatures except for humans."

"So this is an entirely _new_ world?"

I didn't answer that question, choosing instead to allow our surroundings to speak for itself. The twin's eyes had grown impossibly wide with giddy excitement. Their curious gazes wandered about the interior of my home, absorbing every detail as if it was the Louvre museum. Glorfindel also seemed to be preoccupied with scrutinizing my home, and I winced when I remembered the dust bunnies under the couch that I had marked on my calendar to take care of last week. Elrond was the only one whose attention had not been grabbed by the printer or the TV. His eyes settled on me, probably taking in the long, semi-wet red hair that was due for a trim and the bra strap that I had yet to fix. Great. Fantastic. Phenomenal.

_Elves in my house._

How was I supposed to take care of them? What if my neighbors saw them? I highly doubted they came with a complementary _Here There Be Elves_ warning sign for the front yard. I also doubted that I would get a _How to Train Your Elf_ pamphlet either. How was I supposed to treat them? Feed them? What about those clothes? They could hardly go romping around town in some tights and a mini dress! Not to mention the weapons, a right to bear firearms yes, a right to walk around chopping people's heads off with a good four feet of steel, _no_! I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I had a sneaking suspicion that I would end up elf-sitting the four, teaching them everything from don't stick your finger in the electrical socket to don't stick a fork in the toaster. This situation had the potential to go south _fast_.

I decided that no matter the catastrophe that occurs I may as well be prepared to deal with it, and part of that preparation was eating a good breakfast. I glanced over at the twins and blondie who were currently examining my bookshelf full of cheesy sci-fi novels, BL manga, and college textbooks with intense and deeply studious expressions on their faces. As if any of that actually had any educational value.

"Hey, is anyone hungry?" The three huddled by the bookshelf completely ignored me, but Elrond flashed me a quick smile and nodded.

"Food would be greatly appreciated, my lady. We were in the process of traveling to Mirkwood before we arrived here."

"Alright then, smoothies and bacon for all."

I began to rummage around in the fridge, tossing bags of deli cut ham and salami to the side in favor of hickory smoked, center cut bacon. I pulled the bacon from the fridge and gathered up the blender from where it had rolled after my embarrassing _incident_ with Elrond. I also chose a frying pan from my limited selection of cookware, the shuffling and clanging of pots and pans drawing everyone's attention to my activity in the kitchen. The four gathered around me as I turned on the burner. The twins, being the closest, jumped from the _whoosh_ the gas made as it calmed into a steady flame.

"How can you control fire like that?" Glorfindel asked, his gorgeous baby blues glued to the flame in awe.

"Don't ask me. That's just how gas stoves work."

I then proceeded to plug in the blender, trying to ignore all eight of the eyes that were trained on my every movement. I poured a small amount of milk into the blender, then followed it up with the entire bag of berries and three fourths of the yogurt. I put the cap on and shot a sly glance at the elves before switching the blender onto high. Their reactions were instantaneous, hands flying up to cover delicate elven ears. I chuckled and put the bacon into the pan. I switched the blender off and with all the innocence I could muster asked Glorfindel if he would be so kind as to reach into the cupboard nearest him and take down five glasses. Blondie politely obliged and handed over said cups. I poured an even amount and offered them to the elves. Despite a few disgruntled looks and pointed glares at the blender, all the smoothies were accepted with minimal hesitance.

"Here, start on these while I finish cooking the bacon."

"What is it?" Twin one asked with a cautious sniff of the contents.

"Essentially it's just berries and milk. Try some, I promise it's delicious."

The two did another one of those secret-twin-exchange-looks before gingerly sipping from their glasses. Their faces lit up and they eagerly downed the rest of it. The elders in the group watched the twins with amusement, only Glorfindel's eyes strayed to follow my movements as I reached into the overhead cupboard to take down five plates. I attempted to cross the kitchen to grab some napkins, but the cluster of inquisitive male elves, _ellon_ if I remembered correctly, were a rather large barrier to cross. Frustrated, I shooed them out of the kitchen and into the dining room.

"Stay here and don't leave until I bring out the bacon! I highly doubt any _elleth_ lets you crowd her kitchen either!"

The elves at least had the good manners to look sheepish, with Glorfindel and the twins mumbling apologies and offering lopsided grins. Elrond's own lips tugged upward into an amused smile as he watched his companion's antics. I swept off into the kitchen and doled the bacon out evenly as well, all three packages of it. Jesus! Before the end of the month I would be eaten out of house and home! Would they even _be_ here at the end of the month? I shrugged my worries away and brought the food out to the waiting elves. Each one thanked me for my generosity and I waved it away. I left and returned with my sketchbook so I could finish my assignment for class, somehow I doubted that my professor would accept late work, even if I told him the truth. "Hi professor, sorry about that assignment, but I was too busy feeding and taking care of these stray elves that happened to wander into my home." Not Likely.

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1.) John Swift is the one who created the name Vanessa (he was an 18th century poet)

hir-lord

ellon-male elf

elleth-female elf


	4. The Boxers

Thanks again to all who reviewed. I apologize for the late update. I've had a lot of schoolwork to do lately and I'm not gonna lie, but I'm also a little bit lazy :P Just a tad. So anyway here's the next chapter I do hope you all enjoy. Before that I would like to say that I do not own Lord of The Rings or any of the events, persons, places, etc. in it NOR do I own Coca-Cola. :)

The scent of greasy finger lickin' good bacon and the sound of contented diners surrounded my senses as I squinted at my handiwork. I absentmindedly bounced my right knee, an old, thoughtful habit of mine. It wasn't so much the artwork that had the brain juices flowing, rather it was the scenery, so to speak. I briefly chanced a glance at the decor that was happily munching away. Twin one seemed to be sharing some inside joke with Twin two, to which Glorfindel was privy to from across the table. All three were smirking about _something_. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. It sure as hell better not be the cooking.

Elrond was taking in my faux Victorian dining room, which was really just a nook off to the side. He was staring out the bay window which thankfully overlooked the side yard. I wasn't quite ready to explain cars to them yet. In fact I really wasn't entirely sure or prepared to be sure, that my would be rapists were elves from another dimension that just so happened to be from one of my favorite books. One minute I was being held at sword point, and the next I was fixing breakfast for all. I shook my head to banish my wandering thoughts and attempted to focus on the work at hand. I squinted with critical eyes at the shading on the paper, trying to figure out how to make it look more natural. I erased a little bit here, touched up a section there, and again cast an evaluating eye at my paper.

My intense concentration was interrupted by the approach of a fair skinned, elegant, and down right _royal_ hand. Those perfect, long fingers clasped around my own and guided my pencil into an unfinished region.

"Start here, with light gentle strokes, perhaps that will be better, Lady Vanessa."

My eyes followed the marble like sculpted hand, up past an armored chest and into the gentle eyes of the one, the only Elven Lord of Imladris.

"Uhh thanks?" I offered lamely, while attempting to keep my mind out of the gutter. I could practically see the hypothetical sweatdrop (1.) forming on the back of my head as my lips pulled up into an awkward grin. Elrond's scent washed over me from his close proximity. My nose wrinkled as an oddly familiar vinegar tang wafted over to me. My brow scrunched together in confusion. Elrond's expression also changed, though it was subtle and more thoughtful, and perhaps maybe a little self conscience?

"Is there something amiss, my lady?"

I attempted to hold in a snigger as I recognized the odor.

"Perhaps you would like to wear something a little less covered in vinaigrette?"

Elrond instantly looked abashed and somehow _elegantly_ embarrassed. _How was that even possible?_

Despite a questioning glance at the mention of vinaigrette, he seemed to understand the gist of my words and gratefully accepted. I hopped off of my chair and led the way upstairs. I was pretty sure I had some of my friend's abandoned clothes stored away somewhere in my "closet". I happened to be the proud owner of a four by one and a half box with a bulging door in the corner of my room that somehow passed as a closet. Most days I was lucky to find my pants in there, let alone a set of men's clothing that had been thrown into the hodgepodge a little over a month ago. God only knows where it was now. I shuffled through the clothing, shoes, and general crap that ended up at the bottom of the closet. About a minute later I uttered a small cry of triumph and did a mental happy dance as I procured a pair of stonewashed jeans and a Deftones White Pony T-shirt with a flourish. It wasn't exactly clothing fit for a king, but it would have to do until I was able to take them shopping. _Shopping?!_ The second I buy anything for my strays I was affirming the group's existence, and I wasn't certain that I was prepared for that kind of responsibility yet. Not to mention the amount of money it would cost! Jesus Christ Almighty! Why couldn't there be a Middle Earth Adoption Center that I could drop them off at?

I sat up from my position on the floor and turned to face Elrond who was standing awkwardly in the doorway, his posture that of an embarrassed teenage boy picking up his first date. I rolled my eyes, doubtless the sight of my still unmade bed was the source of the color in his cheeks. The man, uh elf, was a healer for christ's sake! He's probably seen more naked people than Ashton Kutcher. I grabbed a pair of boxers I usually used as pajamas and a pair of ankle socks. I handed the clothing off to the flustered elf and motioned to the bathroom. He nodded and mumbled his thanks. I decided to make my bed and went about straightening my room. Elrond sure was taking a while getting dressed. Finally, the bathroom door opened just a crack, revealing a confused and even more embarrassed looking Elrond. I smothered a smile at the sheer cuteness of it and tried my best to look helpful.

"Would you mind terribly helping me with this? I am afraid that these garments are unfamiliar to me."

I nodded wordlessly and pushed the door wider to get a better look at the twisted mess of cloth that Elrond had gotten himself into. I held up the pair of boxers that lay neatly folded on the vanity and tried my damndest not to think about sexy elf lords walking around commando in their pants.

"Alright, these are going to go on first so take off your pants," I motioned to the jeans "and slip these on instead. Also, your shirt is on backwards, so are your socks. You know what how about you strip then put these on," again I held up the boxers "and then we'll work things out from there."

I relinquished the coca-cola boxers with a straight face and turned my back in order to give Elrond a measure of privacy. In the following moments, a fair bit of shuffling and hopping around occurred, I'm sure, accompanied by a few elven curses.

"I am... ready, my lady."

I spun around and somehow managed to keep a stony expression fixed to my face as I gazed upon Elrond and his red and white Coca-Cola boxers. I took up the task of dressing the raven haired lord in silence, fearful of further embarrassing him with the raucous laughter that threatened to bubble up my throat and out my mouth in gut-busting, eye watering guffaws. I showed him the correct way to dress, then stepped back to admire my handiwork. Damn those elves and their unholy ability to make everything look amazing. I opened the door for Elrond with a smile and my eye level dropped as I noticed how wonderful _Hir_ Elrond's _adel_ looked in those jeans. _Meow_.

He turned and regarded me with the same abashed, anime sweatdrop look I had given him earlier.

"You have my gratitude. You are a very patient host, Lady Vanessa."

I waved away the thanks and shook my head to clear my thoughts as I gathered up Elrond's sticky, vinaigrette stained clothing. I dropped it in the laundry hamper and followed Elrond down the stairs. I emerged back in the dining room only to find it empty of silverware, plates, people and all. I frowned and exchanged a curious glance with Elrond who seemed also to have very little idea as to where his companions may have wandered off too. The hollow tinkling of shattered glass quickly gave away their whereabouts. The kitchen. As if the room hadn't already caused enough trouble this morning. I sighed, prepared to face the worst and approached a guilty looking blondie. I sighed at the mess of glass shards that littered the kitchen tile as well as the puddle of salad dressing that had begun to form a sticky crust. Once again I shooed everyone from the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of cleaner, a rag, and a broom._ If they can break my stuff those damn elves better be real so I can make them work off the debt._

_

* * *

_

1.) the sweatdrop refers to something that happens in anime, where a sweatdrop appears on a character's head in an awkward situation

hir-lord

adel-behind


	5. Fish Food

Before starting this chapter, I would like to say that I don't really like it...you might and I hope you do, but it didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted it to. Next chapter will be better, pretty promise :) I do not own The Lord of the Rings, Cosmo magazine, national geographic, or anything else referenced in this story. Please enjoy.

Thank you sexyninjalady for your continued support as well as all the others!

Broken-Rose-Thornesxoxo: I'm glad you find it funny, please get better soon!

Before cleaning up Glorfindel's mess in the kitchen, I grabbed my Zune so I could indulge in a bit of music. I almost always had music in easy access; it was my equivalent of a nicotine junkie's emergency pack of smokes. I craved music on a regular basis and especially required it when stressed, nervous, excited, or angry. I loved to simply let the various melodies carry me away and drown out all the other things in my life that I'd rather not dwell on. While I was beginning to warm up to the idea of having a slumber party with Rivendell's finest, I had yet to completely join the Adopt an Elf Association (AEA). I snorted as I imagined the four elves waving and blowing on fresh, pink nail polish as my mind expanded on the thought of slumber parties. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I turned on the music and quietly hummed along to Julie London's Cry Me a River, a favorite of mine, despite the fact that I was not a fan of that genre.

As I carefully and meticulously removed miniscule shards from the floor, I began to ponder what exactly I was to do with my houseguests. At this point I couldn't even begin to consider taking them out in public, at least not without a leash and dog tags that had a return address lest they run off and get lost at the park. I also noted that forcing them to wear a collar was not a great way to breed trust, nor was it a socially accepted norm. Damn. I frowned in thought while dumping the dustbin's contents into the trash bin. I shoved the dustpan under the sink before leaning on my crossed arms that rested on the countertop.

From the kitchen I had a clear view of the twins who were gawking at a half naked, suggestively positioned, bottle blond model that decorated the front of a Cosmo magazine. Shock and a small amount of intrigue painted their faces as they snuck a cautious and "surreptitious" glance at their father who was currently absorbed in a copy of National Geographic. Glorfy, recently promoted from Blondie by his profuse and sincere apologies for the broken glass, seemed to be contenting himself my merely gazing about the downstairs and the various odds and ends that filled it. I allowed myself a small smile as I observed their actions. I was sure this wasn't a cakewalk for the four of them either, hadn't they been on their way to Mirkwood? If they hadn't taken this unfortunate detour they would probably have already been treated to a lovely elvish feast and afterwards retired to comfy and familiar elvish chambers.

I shrugged my thoughts away and decided that attending school today would not be a very practical choice. I couldn't possibly let them tag along to class in fear of the public mayhem that was bound to ensue, no it was far better to deal with private mayhem that could potentially destroy my home and/or create the beginnings of neighborhood warfare. The crotchety, old lady next door would probably catch one glimpse of my sexy male entourage and immediately call the cops on me for prostitution. I hated that evil grandma. I mentally groaned as I considered the possible endings this day could bring about, it certainly had a very inauspicious beginning. I pulled my earbuds out and slipped my phone from my back pocket, where I had stored it while tidying my room. I padded upstairs to the den for a quick chat with a college friend. I softly closed the door, not for an instant trusting sheer distance to keep me out of pointed earshot. Luckily the receiving end was quickly answered.

"_Moshi moshi_!" Takehiro, my enthusiastic Japanese friend greeted me with his usual cheerful zeal.

"Hey Hiro _chan_! How's the morning going?"

"Same old same old, just taking the pups out for a walk."

"Aww, give 'em hugs for me, m'kay?"

"Of course 'Nessa, why don't I just drop them off at your house since the three of you seem to get along so well." Takehiro's grin carried over the phone and my own lips split into a smile at the mention of our long standing joke about the two huskies that always seemed to ignore him in favor of me.

"Oh I don't think that would be such a great idea. I seem to have a rather full house as it is."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I was kind of hoping you could maybe help me out and kindly deliver my art assignment."

"That busy over there? Sure I'd be willing to help out." Takehiro's tone held curiosity, but he made no attempts to question me about it. It was one of the reasons we were such good friends, neither one of us pried into the other's business. I was especially grateful for that today.

"_Arigato gozaimasu_! Hiro-_sama_ you're the best!" Takehiro's laughter carried over the receiver.

"_Mondai nai_. Gimme twenty, alright?"

"Sure thing, see you soon. _Abayo_."

"_Abayo_."

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and trotted back downstairs, anxious to see if my strays had been up to any mischievous antics. Sure enough 'Hiro's infectious good humor began to ebb as I was confronted with the state of my living room. I should have known that leaving Glorfy unoccupied would result in a mini catastrophe. As I approached the living area I spied fish food, and not the yummy Ben and Jerry's kind either. Yes, I spied fish food that was meant for my beta fish, Shunsuke and Shigure, on my recently acquired shag carpet that just happened to be an absolute bitch to clean. I speared Glorfy with a displeased glare, then moved it onto the twins who, it seemed, had also been up to no good. Various magazines littered my chocolate brown suede sectional and matching leather ottoman. The TV and cable box also seemed to be a little out of sorts. The TV screen showed nothing but snow and the box lay tangled amidst its wires that lay completely disconnected from the television.

_What the hell?_

Elrond simply stared and sat reclining on the sectional, several other National Geographics draped over his lap. He blinked his steel grey eyes, the perfect image of the innocent angel. I stared at each one in turn and shook my head in bewilderment.

_If you give a mouse a cookie_...

_If you smack an elf in the face..._

I sighed and went to get my cheap vacuum cleaner that was held together in eight different places by man's best friend, duck tape. I lugged the heavy thing from the hall closet into the living room and shooed the three troublemakers onto the couch where they sat like guilty five year olds caught sticking gum in their sister's hair. I collected the cable box from the floor and plugged the wires back into their proper places. I also plugged the vacuum into the wall and with a last vindictive glare sent it roaring to life. I made sure to take my time going over every last bit of fish food several times. Finished, I returned the old clunker back to its closet just in time to answer a knock at the door. I handed my assignment over to 'Hiro and sent him on his way with friendly regards. I closed the door behind him and turned back to address my new found companions who all sat regarding me with too wide I'm-totally-innocent-doe-eyes.

"I guess you guys must be bored?" The twins emphatically nodded their heads.

"Alright, well, I've got the whole day left to spend with you guys who wants to play a board game?"

Glorfy wrinkled his nose. "A what?"

"It's a game you play... on a board. Here let me show you one."

I pulled Monopoly out of the ottoman drawer and presented them with the game board. Glorfy looked as if I had successfully piqued his interest and it seemed that no matter what I could always count on the twin's enthusiasm. Elrond, on the other hand, continued to lounge about on the couch in those delightfully tight and low cut pants, looking only mildly interested. I set up the game board on the ottoman and beckoned for everyone to gather round closer.

"Ok, so these are your game pieces which represent you. Everyone starts with a certain amount of money", I held up the bills and rattled off their worth, "and everyone starts on 'GO' . Along the way you buy properties and can build on them which increase their worth. If you stop on another person's property you have to pay them money and there are certain spots where you either choose a 'Chance' or, 'Community Chest' card. These sometimes make you pay penalties or reward you with money. Any money you pay for those or 'Income Tax' go in the middle. In you land on the 'Free Parking' space you are awarded all the money in the middle."

I proceeded to tell them all the rules and by the end a more than interested and I'm-totally-plotting-your-demise glint had appeared in Elrond's eye. Figures he would enjoy an economic competition. Glorfy and the twins reminded me more and more of eager puppy dogs and absolutely radiated excitement merely by the idea of a game. Well, at least I had captured their attention, _but how long would it last?_

_

* * *

_

moshi moshi- This is a Japanese greeting for hello when answering a phone

chan- an endearment usually used with good friends or to refer to a baby

arigatou gozaimasu- thank you very much

sama- the honorific meaning lord

mondai nai- it's no problem

abayo- and informal way of saying goodbye


	6. It's A Clothing Issue

I would like to apologize for the extended belatedness of this chapter. I am so very, incredibly sorry and would like to say that it will never happen again, but it might. I haven't been in the mood to write now that I'm working and end of school exams sucked. Also I have been suffering from writer's block, which for now is gone. Everyone give **fey4life** and everyone else you pm'd me and reviewed a pat on the back for the encouragement they gave me to write this. Excuses and apologies aside I would like to thank everyone for their continued support. This part is especially important:

NO I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE MOUNTAIN DEW- keep this in mind while reading this chapter. Also! I do not own anything Tolkein related or business related, like pepsi, mountain dew, and skittles. Without further ado, please enjoy.

_Three hours later..._

_A battle of epic proportions was being waged in my living room. _

Elrond was sitting pretty with hotels on Boardwalk, Parkplace, the Oriental Avenue set, the Baltic pair, the Marvin Gardens set, and the Saint Charles Place set. I, of course owned all the rest. Glorfindel had dropped out of the game with mumbled elven curses and flying houses, while the twins simply sat and eyed the conflict before them; elven lips protruding into identical pouts. In the end Elrond won fair and square, though I would never admit that. He proved to be a gracious champion and aided me in cleaning up the game board. I counted all the pieces and parts to ensure that everything was there, a customary habit that had stuck around since my childhood.

Everything was accounted for, save for a single house. _Dammit Glorfindel!_

I scanned the surrounding area in hopes of finding the little green piece, but was blessed with no such luck. My eyes lit upon the gap between the couch and the floor and I flopped down on my stomach to get a closer look. I wrinkled my nose as dust particles stirred in the air due to my impromptu arrival. Look folks! _It's a dust bunny in its natural environment; crikey it's a big one!_ I squinted into the dust filled caverns and spotted a distant silhouette that I immediately recognized to be a miniature house. I briefly pondered that it didn't have windows. Monopoly should work one that, surely they know that a house is not legally classified as a house if it doesn't have windows.

Now I'm certain that you readers are all very familiar with what happens next. You go to reach for whatever it is and you _s-t-r-e-t-c-h _and just _barely_ brush it with your fingertips, you think you have a good grip on it, but you really don't and in the end the whole affair is fairly pointless because you only succeeded in _pushing it farther away_. I know you've all been there, don't try to lie and say you haven't. I sighed in frustration and went limp for a second before pulling out from under the couch to take the opposite approach. This next bit will only be familiar to those who have couches resting against a wall. Yeah, you already know what's going to happen, don't you? Rather than pulling the couch out, (which in the long run is always easier, but most don't actually do) I opted to climb onto the back of the couch and peer behind it. There it was in all its green, wooden, miniature glory mocking me with its shear proximity; so close _but so damn hard to get_. I _r-e-a-c-h-e-d_ down and attempted to snag the house again, I grunted with effort as I blindly groped around for the stubborn piece. Unfortunately, my arm just wasn't that long, so I of course again ignored the pull-the-couch-away-from-the-wall method and chose to push the couch far enough away so that I could fit my head behind the it. This time I pulled half my body over the edge, head vertical to the ground, ass diagonal to whoever may have been watching. I managed to snatch the house this time and quickly righted myself.

I blinked away a brief dizzy fit as blood rushed away from my head. I placed the house back into the box and put the whole affair away in the ottoman. I turned to regard my elven visitors who in turn regarded the floor or the wall or something other than me. So like them to get worked up over a little ass. I sighed and turned my mind to other things. Like how to entertain four grown elves from another world. Don't get me wrong, I had ideas, very naughty, inappropriate ideas. I just didn't think it would fly. Besides that would prove the old granny's suspicions right and god forbid that happen.

While I was mulling this over, I caught Elladan toying with the hem of his tunic in what I assumed was awkward boredom. _Clothes_. This lot needed suitable (masculine), fashionable (for assimilation), sexy (for my own entertainment), clothes. I perked up at the thought. Shopping! I may not have been overly girly but what person doesn't like new things?

I tapped a finger against my cheek as I imagined what styles of clothing would look good on my four charges. They probably wouldn't be too comfortable in ultra modern clothing so I should look for clothes that were a little laid back with a handful of class and a dash of flare. I grinned as my musings took me away but was grounded by other more practical thoughts.  
How was I going to transport my impromptu guest without drawing attention? The whole tunic thing wasn't going to fly in public.

I sighed, suddenly glum again, and moved to flop down on the couch. The four remained standing and staring. The twins were off in la la land again as they studied my apartment for the thousandth time. _At first it was cute, now I was beginning to find it annoying._ Elrond stood passively staring at the ground while his foot played with the shag carpet. Glorfindel gave me an inquiring glance before seating himself on the floor. _Of all the places stupid blondie has to go and make me look like a bad host_! I decided that the group needed more pep and so padded over to my fridge to produce a liter of Pepsi's finest. Mountain dew.

In hindsight it most definitely was not one of my wiser decisions.

I poured three quarters of a cup for everyone and handed them out with an encouraging smile. All four cautiously sniffed the beverage and shot me dubious looks.

"That, my fine elven friends, is mountain dew. It's incredibly tasty and gives a great energy boost". I announced with a flourish before taking a trip over by the front door where I kept my wallet. Buying clothes for four guys was going to be far from cheap.

"My lady I believe you are mistaken. The color and odor of this draft does not resemble the fine spring dew of any mountain I have ever encountered." Glorfindel's doubtful words were reflected in the expressions of the other three. I rolled my eyes. Of course they would have to be literal about it.

"That's because it is not dew from a mountain. It is full of syrup, sugar, caffeine, and a godforsaken list of other ingredients that blend together to make a beverage referred to as Mountain Dew. It's good. I promise. Drink it."

A little harsh, I know, but they were big boys, they could handle it. Except for maybe Glorfindel, Monopoly proved that.

My blunt insistence proved to be successful motivation and soon all four cups were drained. My assessment of my monetary status finished I collected the cups and haphazardly threw them in the sink. Other matters were more concerning at the moment, shopping for instance. I could not leave them at home and shop for them since I was not aware of what they were inclined to like and I was horrible at guessing sizes. Unfortunately they needed clothes to wear while shopping for clothes. The irony did not escape me. I trudged upstairs to see what else I could scrounge up from the depths of my closet. The twins might be able to fit into a pair of my old jeans. It might be a bit tight at the crotch and thighs and a bit loose at the hips, but wasn't that the definition of low rise, skinny jeans anyway? Besides, having a little eye candy while shopping would make my day loads better.

I roughly pulled my box/closet door open and pulled a male friend's long forgotten board shorts as well as two pairs of old jeans out of the chaos. A few minutes later and I had procured accompanying t-shirts. I snatched the clothes up and proceeded to root around in my underwear drawer for a few pair of boxers. I ended up with a pair of skittle boxers (abandoned by a gay friend), short gray briefs (which I spent time pondering how deliciously tight those would be), and another pair of boxers that had a donkey on the back and a rooster on the front. I was hoping they wouldn't catch the (not so) hidden meaning. I gathered the garments and called for the boys to come on up.

"These are a change of clothes that you need to put on before we go shopping."

At this Elrohir perked up. "Shopping?"

"Yes shopping. I'm taking you fellas to get some new threads. You need to be able to mingle with other people in this world." I turned to Elrond.

"Would you please show the others how to put these on?"

"Certainly, my lady" I motioned for the ellyn to change in one of the guest bedrooms. I leaned casually in the doorway of my room waiting for the others to emerge. I messed around on my backflip while waiting, occasionally snorting at an amusing text. I quickly closed my cell and slipped it into my pocket as the guestroom door opened to reveal three decidedly doubtful and slightly uncomfortable looking elves. I grinned in what may have been interpreted as predatory. Come on, three very attractive elves in tight jeans and another in board shorts that revealed a pair of sexy, muscular calves. The tight band shirts, which had been too big on me, weren't bad either. You'd stare too.

"You guys don't look bad, not bad at all. Now that you're dressed we can go off and get you some more proper clothes."

"Proper? Are we not decent?" Glorfindel asked. Maybe those board shorts had him worried. Or maybe it was my grin.

"You're fine, but I'm sure you would all appreciate some better fitting clothes. Besides, you can't just keep wearing the same clothes everyday that you're here. You need a whole wardrobe for the remainder of your indeterminate stay."

I softened my gaze when I saw the impact of my words. And the words I didn't say. It doesn't take a genius to see that they would eventually become homesick, if they stayed that long. The sounds of rustling cloth brought me back to earth. There seemed to be quite a bit of uncomfortable shifting. I gave them all a beaming (as beaming as any of lack luster smiles could get) smile and proceeded on to the next topic of business.

"Alright, all you guys need to follow me. If you have questions feel free to ask. I'll do my best to inform you about the peculiarities of this world."

Without waiting for a response I went downstairs, grabbing my keys from a hook by the door and threw an ancient pair of forgotten tennis shoes Elrond's way. I slipped my own shoes on and found some sandals for the others. I led the group out the front door towards my car. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted movement from Evil Granny's window. For the moment I chose to ignore it, because I knew that I had bigger and badder challenges to face such as explaining a car. I did an about face and motioned to the black and silver Mini Cooper from hell. I wasn't quite sure what to say so I decided to wing it. If they had questions they would ask.

"This is my car. There are a lot of different kinds of cars, but this one is mine. This is the preferred method of transportation around here. You will see a lot of other cars all around" , here I motioned to the other cars in the neighborhood, "and you must keep in mind that they can be dangerous, fatal even. Do _not_ run in front of a car, the driver may not be able to stop. Being run over by a car is loads more dangerous than getting run over by a horse. Please keep this in mind."

Having got that lecture (awkwardly) out of the way, I opened the passenger door and folded the seat down so that the twins and Elrond could clamber in. I reached across Elrond to buckle his seat belt, a motion that the twins copied, which had been my intention. It couldn't possibly be that I got a chance to accidentally brush my hand against his chest and thigh. Nope. Never. I beat a hasty retreat and made sure not to look him in the eye on the way out. I put the seat back up and gestured for Glorfindel to take it. I closed the door after him and walked around to the other side, all the while giving granny the finger. It wouldn't do to let the poor impressionable elves see the gesture.

I climbed into the driver's seat and buckled up, making sure to check that Glorfindel had already done so. I put the keys in the ignition, but paused before turning the engine.

"Before I take off, here are some things you guys should know. The car will make noises. The car will move at high speeds. Do not be alarmed by any of this. I don't care how unusual or preposterous it might seem to you. Trust me since I'm the driver and the one with the most experience."

With that encouragement I revved the engine and proceeded to back out of the driveway. All the passengers scrambled to grab onto something and I rolled my eyes. Seriously, do elves ever listen to what we mere mortals have to say?


End file.
